Archive Monthly Archives: May 2016

The Top 3 Reasons I Love Satan

I’ve been inspired lately to really help people transform their feelings about THEMSELVES. I’m on a mission to get people to change the way they speak to themselves and eventually actually LOVE themselves.

But apparently that makes me a Satanist. Who knew?

I spent 35 years of my life as a hard core Christian including leading Bible studies 3-5 days a week. But even after all that AND reading the Bible cover to cover over 15 times, I never knew loving yourself was so evil.

Here’s my facebook post from yesterday:

I’m seriously considering starting a religion.
The religion of YOU.
YOU can have it all.
YOU have all you need inside you.
YOU are an all-powerful piece of the universe, aka God.
YOU can live the life of your dreams.
YOU gotta stop playing small.
YOU are the ruler of your destiny.
YOU are a bad mother fucker.
YOU are an infinite bad ass. Time to do something with that.
I’m gonna turn YOU into a religion. It’s high time someone did.
Who’s with me? Give me a “Hell yeah!” in the comments.
If I get enough of those I will seriously turn this into a legit religion, all about YOU.

However, I was informed today that this religion of YOU is called Satanism. Now that this person brought me up to speed, I can see the value in Satanism. So here are my top 3 reasons Satan is awesome.

1. Materialism:

Satan just LOVES inanimate objects. More accurately, Satan loves when people love inanimate objects. These days it’s called “materialism.”

I have a brand new Lamborghini and I love it. It makes me feel great when I drive it. I even love looking at it in the garage. This is my fourth one so I’m a 4-time evil materialist.

The person that informed me about Satanism has a new Mercedes but I guess those are on the exempt list or something? Either way, Lambos MUST be at the top of the Satan-lovers list of evil inanimate objects. I’ll happily continue to own and drive mine and LOVE IT.

That apparently makes it my God and I’m Satanic. So be it.

2. Zero Taxes!

The greatest thing about religions is that they pay ZERO TAXES! That’s a LOT MORE money I can put into my pocket now that I’m starting a religion about YOU (or did I mean Satan?).

I don’t have to expand more on this…no taxes! Done.

3. Satan is great at “hide and seek”

I had the opportunity to be invited to a private screening of Tony Robbins’ new documentary. It blew me away. I walked away feeling better than ever about myself and really excited about life.

But alas, that means I’m a Satan lover. You see, Tony Robbins is a Satan lover too. Anyone who preaches that you should love yourself and step into your own power is Satantic.

Why? Because God is a “jealous God” and wants you to only love him. So if you truly love yourself then you are putting yourself above God and God absolutely can’t have that. That’s what people who love Satan do.

Satan hides so well inside evil shit like love, individualism and self-esteem that I think he must be the best in the universe at the game “hide and seek.” I loved that game as a kid so OF COURSE I’m going to love the best in the universe at it.

4. I love myself

Wait, you thought there were only 3 reasons? As a bellow out my most evil laugh…

I lied to you! That’s what evil people do after all.

So the 4th reason I love Satan is because I love myself. Wait what?

As you’ve learned already, love of self is off-the-charts Satanic. I spent over 44 years of my life hating myself. Like, big time. I’ve attempted suicide AT LEAST 10 times and one of those times got me banned from the Omni Hotel for life.

But, apparently, as long as I hate myself then God is cool with that and I can stay in his good graces. I’ve spent the last two years HARD at work on learning to love myself and even find grace and power in my shortcomings.

Now that I truly believe I’m an awesome person with lots of gifts to share with the world…

…I’m a Satan lover since I want to help others achieve the same love for self.

I feel better than I have EVER, and way more powerful than ever. Must be all of Satan’s power rising up inside. I call it love but Christians have other definitions.

There you have it. Love of self = Satan. Count me in. I’m starting my own Church of YOU and it’s all about truly loving yourself and stepping into your power. If that means I’m a Satanist then I’m in.

As I got excited to write this SO MANY people told me not to write it. “Bad energy,” some said. “People will hate you,” others said. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” I heard too.

But since I love myself more than ANYTHING in the ENTIRE universe, I gotta own it…and be excited about it. If that makes you uncomfortable then that is YOUR ISSUE with your OWN belief systems. It’s not my problem.

I’m here to shine the light of love on you and help YOU realize that YOU are awesome.

You gotta really call into question a God (or followers of that God) who prefers you to hate yourself so you stay in fear and under control.

Besides, to quote Jeffrey Dahmer:
“Christians taste great!”

Talk soon,
Matt “Bad Mother Fucker” Trainer

P.S. Well after all that I might as well pitch something evil.

Meditation changed my life in almost every way. So I started teaching it so that I could learn more about it and myself. The teacher always learns more than the student after all.

The feedback from my first class has been nothing short of amazing. So many people are already starting to see more love and acceptance for themselves. Not surprisingly they are seeing it resonate throughout their lives in the same way I have.

More love, better relationships, more connection with the Universe and more personal power are all things I’ve experienced and many others are now too. Unfortunately, all of those things are Satanic as we’ve learned today.

But hey, I’m loving it so I’ll keep it up.

This meditation course is something I’m gonna keep doing but never again so cheap. It’s a 4-week class that sold for only $20. That’s $5/week. Not much for learning to love yourself and life.

But alas, only the beta group got it at that price. Since it’s been elevated to the level of Satanic I obviously have to raise the price.

So for the next 100 people, the class is $40. What double?! Yes double the price. That’s what Satanism gets you. So now it’s 10 WHOLE DOLLARS per week!

If you want to learn to love yourself and experience the personal power and amazing life that comes from it, then go here >>>

But only the first 100 people get in at that price. Running a church is expensive after all and I have more Lambos to buy to keep up with my new buddy Satan.

So go here before I double the price again!

As an added bonus, access to my meditation class means access to my world-renowned weekly “radio” show, The Automati Show where we talk about all kinds of awesome things.

Past topics have included:
– Aliens (duh!)
– Making money
– SEO and Internet marketing
– Mindset
– Economic collapse
– Nazis and the rise of the 4th Reich
– Contract law and why you don’t even own your own body
– And of course SATAN!

OK I’m done. Now go love yourself more and be easy with yourself. You are worth it.

Go here for the meditation class before I raise the price >>>

P.P.S. I finally have my affiliate link to the Gold backed IRA that you can roll your 401k into. Just go here to check it out >>>

P.P.P.S. If you don’t have a sense of humor and don’t understand what the word “satire” means then please get off my list and/or site. You are not my audience.